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I Tend to Be Maudlin

by Ian Kashani

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1.
I guess that I wasn't born To play it cool Getting upset has made me A lonely fool I see through the lies It takes to form a gang Always calling you out When you only wanted to hang Now that the boys Well, it seems that they've bought in I tend to be maudlin I know you haven't had The easiest time And some kind of peace Is hard for you to find Now that you've left me For a place in the scene again I tend to be maudlin I hope you're having fun now Used to drag your feet Everywhere we went that was new I just wanted to help If that means anything to you Now that it's out I was trying to be your friend I tend to be maudlin
2.
Crumbling spires drip with rain Crowned with nets of rusted grill In the steepled city on the hill Apes and angels roam narrow streets They warm their icy hands over sewage steam When the sun denies its beam If constellations are cobblestone Drowned in stormy sidewalk streams If the stars deny our dreams You and I should make a plan Even if we give up the ghost To heal whatever hurts the most Father and son of flesh and blood Live in a tower cleansed with rain It runs from the spire to the drain Apes and angels will spread their seed The harvest will reap their tragedy Not for our Holy Trinity Column Not for our Holy Trinity Column Our Holy Trinity Column
3.
Theme 06:19
I want to hear Your words, I'm here Please let me know I need to know If I'm able to know So hold me near You lost me when It became apparent I don't want to be touched I need to touch Don't touch No, I won't bend Move on, move on Never know when The fear's not really gone Evening departure alone You turned the corner Almost grabbed your arm Fallen to the street warmer It was cold as a stone I need to know If I'm able to know So hold me near
4.
Flight 04:13
And above the window Flight unlikely so they say And above the people Passing day by day Never did they care for me Flight Never they believe And above the building Never know the view I know And above the place Will chase away my fear Preparation for my flight is near Flight Never they believe Flight What I feel for you Will not be taken lightly Flight What I feel for you Will not be taken lightly
5.
What you've done Were there strings attached Some selfish intention What you've given You didn't have to give In a world where no one cares You didn't have to reach your hand out It's clear you owe me nothing at all What you've done It got me out of bed It brought me back to life What you've given You didn't have to stay After I pulled a knife out You didn't have to let me in the door I overstayed my welcome early on What you've done Has captured me in a moment forever What you've given You didn't have to share We're in this together now You didn't have to take those pictures You know that I'm in love with myself What you've done Oh what you've done
6.
So Sad 02:43
You told me to get lost Leave, get lost and stay lost Don't you know when you're not wanted And the line's been twice crossed With all your loyalty to a funny mirror Of someone else It's just sad, it's sad So sad I remember hearing you say A lot of stupid things And you can't be yourself, why The reason's you're a fake And how long can you last in the black hole You thought would save you It's sad, so sad It makes me so sad It makes me sad, so sad It makes me so sad To know we can't go back With all your loyalty to a funny mirror Of someone else It's just sad, so sad It makes me so sad It makes me sad, so sad It makes me so sad To know we can't go back
7.
I was out of breath But I kept on running Holding your hand It gave me strength Holding you close to me A dream come true Go on without me, you said I'll be waiting No, don't leave me I'm lost without your touch Teach me how to love How to die for love Not to hide from love But this is goodbye Do you want me to hide From my heart, my heart for you And if I could heal My heart, my heart for you Would you stay with me Oh I believe I'll love you forever Through all my tears I know if I cried out You'd hear me loud and clear Teach me how to love How to die for love Not to hide from love But this is goodbye
8.
Haunted 03:10
In the streets The stars look down on me I see you in the lights I've got no will to speak of In some kind of hell I look to you for desire In my prayers I need your love I feel you in the night But I've got no wings to fly with So I can't leave I'm so alone I need to see you now I still hear your voice say: You made your choice I'm so alone No one to comfort me
9.
Perfect animal A spirit so beautiful Destroyed Tortured to death Full of fear Struggling for freedom to escape Tomorrow Many more will die Die for you Why do you kill Why do you look away When they cry The sorrow in their eyes Ignored Why do you kill Why do you look away As you feed off their agony And their pain Don't turn away The tears they weep could be yours And mine In pain Humans and animals are one And the same
10.
Love I feel love has come to me You know I had to wait And the sun I feel the sun has come to me And freed me from my fate Pain Cold pain has taken me And broken my resolve And faith My faith has forsaken me You know that it's my fault Still I feel the sun I feel the sun I feel the sun When I'm gone Remember me Remember what I've done for you, my love And it's just a song Listen to me Listen to my voice, it's not enough

about

All songs played and written by Ian Kashani

Recorded in Portland July-December 2020
Spoken word on "Holy Trinity Column" by Martin Pokorny
Mastered by Erik Veach

Thanks: Aimee, Ryan, Martin, Erik, Tyrone, F.W. and Mikers.

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released February 26, 2021

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Ian Kashani Portland, Oregon

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